Skip to main content

Part V - Some Life Lessons

Some Life Lessons

Action vs. Consequences

It's alarming that an innocuous action such as putting your foot down on, what turned out to be, a non-existent step, can be one of those before and after points in life. Although I expect to recover as fully as possible, nothing will ever be the same for me again.

Not only did I disrupt my own life, but also the life of my wife, my co-workers, and everyone that I am associated with socially and professionally. The ratio of consequence to action is extremely high -- very small action with huge consequences.

Life Goes On

I'm almost like a ghost, dwelling in the world I previously inhabited. 

I found replacements for gigs... and the gigs went on as scheduled. Different, to be sure, but the Earth continued to rotate.

My racquetball playing friends are still running and sweating. I'm sure they don't really miss my presence in any material way.

Everyone can be replaced -- and this is actually a relief in many ways. At this age, it's sometimes nice to know that life will go on.

Betrayed by my Body

That knee always worked on steps before. And, I never developed blood clots in my lungs. I have felt my age for several years now -- minor aches and pains, night vision not so great, trouble remembering names. If you don't think this will happen to you, think again.

Still, I had the vague feeling of invincibility that most of us feel throughout our lives. Just because everyone else has things like cancer, strokes, heart attacks, Alzheimer's, etc., it doesn't mean that I will! But I can't feel that way any more -- particularly after the blood clot episode.

I can bravely say that I'm not afraid of death -- I already feels detached from modern culture, I hate the political climate in our country and the world, and I feel satisfied with what I've done with my life, and how I've resolved my existential questions.

I do, however, have a dread of becoming a burden on those close to me; and this experience has given me a taste of what this would be like.

Loss of Independence

I can't walk unaided... I can't drive... I can't come and go at will. Thank gawd for Amazon -- I've had items as insignificant as a light bulb shipped to me, as brick and mortar merchants are inaccessible to me.

It's like being a seventeen year old, driving for a year, who has been grounded. The pain of the injury, surgery, and post op, is minor compared to the loss of independence. I know its getting better and I know I'll regain my independence, but it's painfully slow in coming. Each day is long, right now... I know as I look back on it, it will seem like a short episode.

Constantly Moving Goal

Recuperating from this injury is hard for a goal oriented person. Imagine playing a football like game where the goal line was constantly moving. I can make estimates about my progress and what to expect -- but these estimates are elastic. Where you thought you might be in four weeks, turns out to be where you ARE at eight weeks. It's hard to plan ahead -- I've just decided to make only short range plans for the next six months. And by short range, I mean what I'm going to do RIGHT NOW -- not tomorrow, not next week, and certainly not next month.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Constitution on Mosques

First Amendment: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof... Article II, Section 2: "...he (the President) shall take Care that the Laws be faithfully executed." Just last week, Sarah Palin is seen on camera telling an Alaskan woman that she was working to "...elect candidates that understand the constitution." Today, we hear, a woman who appears to be this same Sarah Palin urging, "Mr. President, should they or should they not build a mosque?" Does Ms. Palin not understand the Constitution? Congress is prohibited from making any laws prohibiting the free exercise of religion, and the President has absolutely no power to establish laws AT ALL -- not in the Constitution. He should not offer an opinion... he should simply, as he has done, restate the content of the Constitution. Ms. Palin should take the time to read the US Constitution and stop cynically trying to stir up political

After the 2016 Election

Yesterday was election day and today, I'm immensely depressed. Songwriter that I am, I often find inspiration in loss -- and today, I'm inspired, therefore, I write. The results of the "election" verify what we've suspected -- our country is deeply polarized. It's hard to imagine a more clear cut choice that Trump vs. Clinton. The results clearly delineate the two sides and it's very evenly divided -- the popular vote was roughly 50%-50% with Clinton slightly ahead. By examining the exit polls: If you are a white woman with a college degree, you voted for Clinton, 51% to 43%. If you are a white woman with no college degree, you voted for Trump, 62% to 34%. If you are a white male with a college degree, you voted for Trump, 54% to 39%. If you are a white man with no college degree, you voted for Trump 72% to 23%. ALL other groups sampled, women and men, college or no college, voted overwhelmingly for Ms. Clinton. For the record, I voted for Bern

How to Lead a Band - Part I

OK... I'm not Bob Wills, Woody Herman, Benny Goodman, or Johann Strauss the Elder, nor even the Younger. I'm just a seat of the pants geetar picker who started his first band at age 12, and has been at it now for 64 years. If you're reading this after 2024, then add an appropriate number of years on to that figure... I assume that if you can read, you can probably add. I've played probably close to 10,000 gigs plus or minus, both as leader and sideman, so this blog comes from the perspective of both. I've played for as many as 25,000 people, and as few as zero... that's right -- ZERO. (I'm not sure I like ZERO, but I'd far preferred the ONE GOOD LISTENER to 25,000 inebriated idiots, just for the record.) First, here's a few things that leaders should be aware of, followed by some things that sidemen should be aware of. If you're in a "band" and it's very democratic and no one is really the leader... enjoy your childhood. This is