Sunday, July 15, 2012

Physicists Gone Wild

AUSTIN, TX -- Thousands of theoretical physicists celebrating the confirmation of the Higgs Boson, spilled into the streets last night. The rejoicing, dancing of jigs, and telling of ironic stories soon turned to violence. Disagreements over credit for the original theory and the implications of the discovery, heated, then erupted into fist fights, scratching, and pulling of hair. Several incidents of biting were reported, but no serious injuries resulted.
One physicist, his pocket protector hanging loose having been torn from his shirt in a skirmish, blamed the violence on “outside agitators”. A group of engineers calling themselves IFMB (Invisible Force, My Butt) staged a counter demonstration. Some witnesses report hearing taunts such as, “Where’s the practical application, math boy?” shortly before the violence escalated.
There is an uneasy quiet in the streets of Austin tonight. Police say they’re planning ahead for the announcement of the Nobel Prize in Physics which has the potential to spawn additional emotionally charged demonstrations. Austin Chief of Police, Art Acevedo, said, “We’ve always had a good sized community of theoretical physicist here in Austin, and they generally blend into the fabric of normal society. They are by nature an emotional bunch and things like this are bound to happen from time to time.”

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